I Want to Be Me. Only Different.

Sometimes I want to be someone else. Wait. That’s not exactly right. Sometimes I want to be me…only different. Yeah. That’s more along the lines of what I mean.

There are times that I take a look at my life and think about the things that I wish would change.

I wish I was better at __________.
I would love to do more ____________.
Maybe I could have more ____________.

You know…I’d still be me. Just, different.

But here are some questions I have to ask myself.

If I really want __________, am I willing to do what it takes to get there?
Am I willing to put in the work to achieve it?
Am I willing to make the sacrifices necessary to elevate that aspect of my life?
Or am I just wishfully hoping that God will somehow magically get me there…no work involved on my part?

See, the danger I face in hoping I was instantaneously ___________ is that if I don’t put in the work, take the time, or make the sacrifices it takes, I won’t be me when I get there. Not really.

I am a result of all my experiences. And if I don’t do my part in getting somewhere or achieving something, then I’m cheating myself out of opportunity to grow, stretch and become.

So here’s the challenge. If I want to change, I need to go about doing the work of changing. It does no good to hope for something I am unwilling to work for.

Yes, I must follow God’s lead in my life. I must rely on Him to reveal the path before me. But it comes down to my willingness to then take the steps to get to where He wants me to go.

Because otherwise, I may arrive somewhere I was hoping to go, only to realize that I left my true self way back at the beginning.

She Really Was The Best Dog



Courtney Rae 1999-2010



If you know us, then you probably knew her. And chances are you loved her. She was the big dog that had an even bigger heart. She was a part of Carissa’s life since before I was a part of Carissa’s life. But over the years, she became my dog. I say that, of course knowing that she was never solely my dog.

But she was the absolute best dog I have ever known. Patient. Understanding. Kind. Tolerant. Eager to please. And above all, Courtney displayed what it truly means to be part of a family.

In life, things change. Circumstances shift. That certainly was true for her. At first it was just her and Carissa. Then I was added to the mix. Then 2 little boys entered the fray and became big boys. And then 2 more dogs invaded Courtney’s life. But through it all, Courtney’s capacity to welcome others into the family only grew.

She reminded me time and time again that when it’s all said and done, where you live doesn’t matter (she moved with us six times). The stuff you have means nothing (to remind me of that, she chewed everything up as a puppy!) Only the ones you love truly count.

It’s a difficult thing to lose a pet you’ve had for over 11 years. For some, it seems weird to love an animal so deeply. For others, it seems weird not to. For me, Courtney was a part of our family. And I couldn’t help but love her.

And tonight, as I say goodbye to her, I can’t help but be reminded of all that she taught me about being in a family.

Goodbye, Court. I’ll miss you. But I will never forget you.

Point Blank Range

As a rifle range coach, I had the opportunity to work with some of the most highly trained, professional shooters in the United States Marine Corps and Navy. Snipers, recon Marines, MPs. I was honored to serve with them all. Part of my job also included working with Marines who weren’t as practiced with high powered weaponry—cooks, motor-T mechanics, communications gurus—POGs (people other than grunts). Over the 18 months that I served on the range, I probably coached over 2,000 Marines.

Only once did I ever feel like my life was in danger.

During qualification week, Marines go through a regimen of rifle safety classes, classroom instruction, and in-field exercises. One exercise includes some standing position, rapid fire drills. Targets up, safety off, three shots, safety on, targets down.

Now, when you fire in the standing position, your collar tends to stretch out a bit, leaving a gap along the back of your neck. And since the rounds from an M-16 eject to the right, with a Marine standing approximately 4 feet to your left, there is a slight possibility that one of those hot casings can find its way to that gap. In fact, in my experience, only 1 in about 2,000 shooters ever deals with it. I was there for the one.

As this Marine, (I’ll call her ‘Smith’) fired with her collar stretched out, a casing flew into the gap at the back of her neck. Now, the single biggest rule on the range is that when you are not firing, you put the safety on, for obvious reasons. That’s not what Smith did.

Instead, she spun 180 degrees directly toward me. With her rifle in the firing position, aimed chest high, her finger on the trigger, and screaming from the pain of the hot casing, she pointed the barrel directly at my chest. Point blank range. One miniscule jerk of her right index finger, and my life would have ended then and there. Needless to say, I was not happy. I immediately grabbed her rifle and kicked her off the range for the year.
_________

As I look at my calling here at Fellowship Church, there are so many things I have the opportunity to do. I have the chance to work in one of the most influential and on-point churches in the entire world. You could say I get to work with some of the most highly trained, professional shooters in the Christian world! And part of my job here is working with different ministries at different times and on a variety of projects. I’ve had thousands of opportunities to be used by God here. It is a truly humbling experience every day.

Lately, though, I faced a threat. There had been this one opportunity that I was missing out on. And doubt began to creep into my mind. Fear began to swell up in my heart. I was asking myself why I didn’t get the chance to do this thing.

And as I thought about it more and more, I began to have the same feeling as when that Marine’s rifle was pointed straight at my chest. Satan was aiming his rifle of doubt and fear straight at my chest. And one miniscule pull of the trigger and …

But this past weekend, my pastor challenged our church not to focus on the opportunities we lack, but to focus instead on the ones we can leverage. That was my wake up to snap me out of the doubt and fear.

See, I had started to shift my focus away from the things God wanted me to do and toward the things He wanted someone else to do. That’s a dangerous way to live. God doesn’t want me to live that way. He doesn’t want me to go through life with the rifle of doubt and uncertainty aimed point blank at my chest. Because if I go through life that way, then I miss out on all the other chances He has for me.

This past weekend, God grabbed the barrel of the rifle, kicked Satan off the range and told me to get back to work.

My Ride On This Pale Blue Dot

I just watched Carl Sagan’s The Pale Blue Dot. And as I did, I was moved. How can you not be? To think of the vastness of the galaxies; to consider the endlessness of space; to recognize the sheer power it took to create it all. It is humbling to say the least.

But then, I began to ponder some other aspects of our existence: our arrogance in thinking we are the rulers of it all; our self-appointed divinity; our brazen belief that we are it…it’s sad, really.

Yes, God has given us dominion over the earth (Genesis 1:26). But why do we think we are the rulers of the entire galaxy…and beyond? Because that is what we so often think, even if subconsciously. I think the short film awakens us to that danger.

Yet, as I watched it again, I began to think not of humanity in general, but of me. How often do I get so wrapped up in my little corner of this piece of dirt that I forget all that is out there? How often do I come to a point in my life where I think I’m the only one who matters?

I pray that I don’t go through life that way anymore. I pray that, instead, I go through life taking full advantage of the opportunities I have to make sure others see that they matter. I am valued by the One who created this ball off dirt. And I’m here to make sure others realize that they are as well.

Faith. Family. Friends.

These are what truly matter in my life. It’s not about the vastness of my influence. Because the truth is that my influence will never be vast. It will, though, be valued by those closest to me. That’s what I must focus on as I continue my ride on this pale blue dot.